How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Actions speak louder than pants.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
