At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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