hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
