the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
