Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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