isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize