Don't you send me to vm
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
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Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
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It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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