they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
