Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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