I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
