Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she peed on how many people?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I want her autograph on my taint
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
