is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
