You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
