I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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