Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
