You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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