AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
