In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
