We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
