Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
