I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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