Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
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