Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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