Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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