:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
