Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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