I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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