As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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