just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
