I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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