If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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