Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
