Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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