i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
