Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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