i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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