I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
