my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
