i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
