You can't motorboat a personality
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
