I am spending my child support on dildos
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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