I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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