1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
