So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
