I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
