Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
