Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
