you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
