Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
