if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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