I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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