one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize