I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What drink are we having for lunch?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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