I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
