Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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