the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
