Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
