As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
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Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.