nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle