Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.