I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.