I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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