Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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