He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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