sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
