Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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