Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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