google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
